


Dark thoughts and a dark night

by mattypattun



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Depression, M/M, Multi, One-Sided Relationship, Shallura mentioned, Suicidal Thoughts, klance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 08:27:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11459805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mattypattun/pseuds/mattypattun
Summary: Keith saw a brother in him and nothing more. He made that clear.That's exactly why he came to him when he got rejected by Shiro. Everyone knew that their teacher, Mr. Shirogane was head over heels for their history teacher, Mrs. Allura. Keith was the only one with his head in the clouds, mind blinded by Shiro's handsome smile.





	Dark thoughts and a dark night

**Author's Note:**

> EDIT: Now with less errors [17/8/17]

[... And I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet| someday you will be loved| you'll be loved like you never have known| and the memory of me will seem more like bad dreams..]

Lance had been listening to this song a lot lately. He tries to shut out his thoughts, but it's hard because the song reminds him of it.   
Of Keith. 

 

{"I.. I just wanted to tell you that I.. Really like you"}

»I know. I don't.« was all he got in response.

It stung, and it stung bad.   
It had hurt him and it still does.   
Because he never expected this turn of his life.

He was confident when he and Keith first met. Of course, like the macho he is, he immediately checked Keith out and came to the result that he would definitely tap that (cute) ass.

The young Latino was interested and as always he wasn't scared to flirt. He just wanted to have some fun, plus he wasn't the one who was going to get hurt by it. Keith would fall for him, have sex with him, would want to be with him;   
But by no means Lance would develop feelings.

Because he couldn't. No matter how much he'd want to, he couldn't fall for a guy. He was physically attracted, yes, but loving a man was impossible {How could he be so wrong}

He thought they were something special to each other. Until Keith met his new physics tutor, Shiro. Since then all Lance heard was 'Shiro is so nice and intelligent' and 'Did you see his biceps? They're so sexy, I want to lick them' and many more disgusting things Lance had already forgotten of. 

Keith saw a brother in him and nothing more. He made that clear.   
That's exactly why he came to him when he got rejected by Shiro. Everyone knew that their teacher, Mr. Shirogane was head over heels for their history teacher, Mrs. Allura. Keith was the only one with his head in the clouds, mind blinded by Shiro's handsome smile.

Lance can't describe how much it hurt when Keith came to him, his face wet with tears, depressed and helpless. He bit his inner cheek and forced himself to smile reassuringly while hugging him tight. 

A part of him wanted to punch their physics teacher in their face for hurting his beloved.  
And the other part thanked the universe silently for not letting Keith and Shiro be together. 

He had tried to ignore the bad feeling for being satisfied to see Keith hurt.   
Because it was reasoned.   
Because Keith came to him and only him.

 

Half a year had passed before Lance was finally ready to confess. He and Keith had grown closer than ever, telling each other {almost} everything, sleeping over regularly, whispering to each other in class, flirting. 

Lance would've bet that the feelings were mutual.   
He could tell from the way Keith blushed when they were sleeping next to each other.  
{He was probably just hurt by Shiro and fled in another intimate, not mattering relationship. You. You're the one who doesn't matter at all}

{"But-.."   
"No, Lance, get this stupid idea out of your head! I don't like you romantically. At all!}

 

[..Someday you will be loved]  
The melody ends and Lance's thoughts end too. 

He has to call him. To try one more time, to.. To..

He doesn't know what he wants. But did he ever..?  
Before he can chicken out of it he grabs his phone and dials his number. 

"..Lance? What are you doing awake at this time?"   
"I.. Meet me at the 'Halloweens'. Please I need to talk."  
"Is everything alright? Why do you want to go to 'Halloweens'?" 

Lance pauses for a moment.   
No backing out now. "Just.. Meet me there at 15. It's important."  
With that he hung up. 

 

When Lance is approaching Keith is already there. He looks out of breath and sweaty as if he had hurried his way there. 

"Halloweens" was their favorite place. They hung out here with Pidge and Hunk, fellow classmates of them, since middle school. During the years it became their Halloween-Place. 'Halloweens'.

 

"Hey", Lance says.  
"Hey", Keith replies. 

He hurried at three am to our favorite place just for me. Everything his actions show is that he likes me.. But.. Why does he still claim otherwise? 

Lance takes a step closer.

'It doesn't make any sense. How can he hate me. I was there for him when he was hurt 24/7 and this is how he repays me? With not talking with me for months?'

"I like you Keith. So goddamn much. I can't think of anything else, of anyone else than you. I need you; I need to be with you; I don't know how I can continue like this! Why are you so confusing, why do you always change your mind? I can't take it. Can't take you! Leave me alone, stop flirting with me if you hate me that much! If I don't mean anything to you.. If.." 

At this point he doesn't even know what he is saying anymore. He is rambling what comes on his mind but he can't help it. He is just so frustrated.

"I don't hate you. I like you" 

This was I again! Why does he confuse him all the time? Lance keeps talking about love and all he ever get is being ignored. Doesn't Keith know that there's a difference between friendship and Love?!

 

Keith doesn't move, but Lance breaks down. Because he can't take it anymore. Can't take his goddamn feelings for a guy he despises and adores at the same time. Keith's whole being is mature and yet so cruel. 

At first he starts to shiver all over. He's looking down so Keith can't see that he tries not to cry but he's sure Keith guessed by the time. He tongues his sharpest teeth in order to keep him from making noises.   
He smiles to hide his sadness, or rather, he tries to. It comes out more as a bizarre grimace. His body shakes hard and he can't control it. 

And he no longer wants to. 

Weird noises leave his throat while he falls down on his knees. These noises keep coming out, in fact they're growing louder and louder and louder, until they're no longer noises but choked and pained screams. Tears roll down his face, and together with his tears, his thoughts flow out of his eyes; out of his brain.   
There are many tears, so many, that Lance thinks he must have cried out his whole brain. But his brain still feels heavy, still pumps out every possible brain cell he might have. He wraps his arms around his stomach because he suddenly feels like vomiting his love all over Keith's feet. This way Keith will know that there's no love left for him, that he's progressing, that he'll get over Keith in no time.

After a few minutes the tears on his face mix with snot. Lance knows that he is pathetic and gross and he absolutely loves it. A sudden, funny feeling explodes in his chest; he appreciates it more than the butterflies which used to fly around the exact same spot of his stomach. 

Giggles escape him. Giggles turn into full hearted laughter. Laughter turns to a hysterically screamed   
"I HATE YOU!" 

"Do you mean that?"   
Keith's voice rings in his ears and it sounds loud, way too loud compared to the trees and the asphalt around them.

He does mean it.

Eventually he gets up. 

"Keith. I need to ask you for a favor. And before you decline: You'll be more than happy to help me out."  
He stares at Keith, not bothering to wipe his face. Keith doesn't answer but patiently waits for him to continue.

"Keith." He gulps and tries to order his thoughts.   
"Please.." This is harder than he thought. But everything is easy if its a fantasy.

"Please kill me. Right now. A bus should come by in a few minutes."   
Lance is calm now. He's sure Keith will say yes.

Apparently he couldn't read Keith as well as he thought, based on the shocked expression of said man. 

"Are you crazy?!", his 'one' asks him. "You must've lost your mind! Why on earth would I do-, and even more, enjoy killing you! Do you think that, just because I don't love you, I have nothing better to do with my life than to waste my time at three a.m in the mor-" 

Lance doesn't want to hear it. Deep down he feared the truth. Nonetheless he knew it. 

Keith didn't even want to touch him, didn't bother to watch his last, slow breathes; he didn't even want to take Lance's life when it was offered to him for free. Was he nothing more than trash to him? Not even worth killing? Was he such a failure in Keith's eyes?

Without another word he leaves. 

"Lance, wait!", Keith calls after him.   
Lance stops and turns around, still on the middle of the street, wondering what Keith had in mind. 

"Lance, I-.." 

He doesn't get to finish his sentence.   
Behind Lance a car honks.

Before Lance can react, the car is gone.   
Or.. he is laying on the ground.   
Yeah, that must be it; he can see the stars from this angle. 

'Fuck..' he thinks but somehow still smiles. 

He can see the whole galaxy-  
And even though it so far away from earth it still feels close. 

'Yeah..  
..feels like home.'

**Author's Note:**

> I hope I didn't fuck up too bad.


End file.
